I've been thinking a lot about commitment. I know it's something I'm so not good at, that I avoid it at all costs. I believe in love and happy-ever-after for other people, but not for me. I believe in God, but I don't want to go to church because I don't want to get 'sucked in'. I want to lose weight and I can diet for a week or so, but I can't commit to changing my eating habits for a lifetime ... And it's the same with alcohol. Right now I want to see how I cope without it, but I don't want to commit to giving it up forever. I don't want not to be able to have a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve ever again. I don't want not to be able to have a drink occasionally when I want one. I know, I know, it's a form of denial - I've proved amply to myself over the past couple of decades that I can't have 'just one' - but I can't commit to never taking another drink ever again.
And that's why, I think, I have decided not to start going to AA meetings. I would feel I was there under false pretenses, surrounded by people who want to stay sober forever. I just want to stay sober for now.
And I'm a little bit disappointed in myself for it.