Sunday, February 25, 2007

Small successes

A few months ago I wouldn't have even attempted to install wireless connection for my computer on a Sunday afternoon, because I'd probably be having a nap, sleeping off a boozy lunch. No, hang on, there would have been no lunch involved - just lots of drink.

Well, it took me a while today as I'm not very technically minded, but I am now sitting downstairs, television on, gorgeous cat snuggled up beside me, with my laptop connected to the internet and NO WIRES!

And because I wasn't sleeping off several bacardis or a bottle of wine, I was able to have my niece over so I could help her with her homework, and be able to drive her home safely.

These may be small successes, but the best of all is managing another sober day.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Time flies

I see a sky like this most days on my way to work and it always makes me smile.

Hard for me to believe how time passes so quickly these days. When I was drinking, it speeded up and slowed down - when it was slow, I drank to speed it up, and then curse myself because I wasted so much time sleeping it off or recovering. I suppose I drank to fill the emptiness, to try and relax, to try and escape, and all I succeeded in doing was waste a precious resource - time.

Now time flies by on its own. Even the long journey to work is gone in the blink of an eye. The first time I look at my watch during the day I'm always astonished to find how late it is - if it weren't for my stomach growling around midday, I'd probably miss lunch and only realise that it was getting late because it was growing dark outside.

I don't need to drink to fill the emptiness any more, because the emptiness has already been filled.

I don't need to drink to try and relax, because I find that I can switch off and unwind without it.

I don't need to drink to try and escape, because there is no escape. Most of the things I was trying to escape are still there and they won't go away so instead of trying to escape them, I'm trying to work on them instead. They aren't big things, it was never the size of the problems that got me down, it was the sheer number of them. Now I'm applying the same one-day-at-a-time approach to problem solving: one at a time. Feeling I had to deal with everything at once was so daunting that I think that's one of the reasons I drank, because it was too scary to contemplate all the things that needed to be done or changed.

One at a time, I can do.