Saturday, February 10, 2007

Time flies

I see a sky like this most days on my way to work and it always makes me smile.

Hard for me to believe how time passes so quickly these days. When I was drinking, it speeded up and slowed down - when it was slow, I drank to speed it up, and then curse myself because I wasted so much time sleeping it off or recovering. I suppose I drank to fill the emptiness, to try and relax, to try and escape, and all I succeeded in doing was waste a precious resource - time.

Now time flies by on its own. Even the long journey to work is gone in the blink of an eye. The first time I look at my watch during the day I'm always astonished to find how late it is - if it weren't for my stomach growling around midday, I'd probably miss lunch and only realise that it was getting late because it was growing dark outside.

I don't need to drink to fill the emptiness any more, because the emptiness has already been filled.

I don't need to drink to try and relax, because I find that I can switch off and unwind without it.

I don't need to drink to try and escape, because there is no escape. Most of the things I was trying to escape are still there and they won't go away so instead of trying to escape them, I'm trying to work on them instead. They aren't big things, it was never the size of the problems that got me down, it was the sheer number of them. Now I'm applying the same one-day-at-a-time approach to problem solving: one at a time. Feeling I had to deal with everything at once was so daunting that I think that's one of the reasons I drank, because it was too scary to contemplate all the things that needed to be done or changed.

One at a time, I can do.


Rock dweller said...

I wish that someone in my life would get that idea. He was scared, so he drank away his fears, he was upset, so he drank about his tears and sorrow, he was in love, and she was scared, so he drank to sink the lonliness away. He drank because he had felt the the bottle was the only one there for him. His love for the bottle is much stronger than his love for me and I dont understand his.

Shadow said...

great doing there. i still allow myself to get so overwhelmed when too many things happen at once. and then it feels like i'm losing control. and then i panic. when actually it is so easy: one thing at a time!!!!
keep it up girl!!!

A Tampa Realtor said...

Lol, you are so right about the time thing... seems to fly when I am sober.

Just reading my journal though, from even 3 weeks ago, seem like forever ago. So time seems to fly, but really how fast does it go?

Craziness! So good to be sober!

Shadow said...

one day at a time - YES PLEASE!!!

Shadow said...

hey! you okay out there???

Grace said...

Brilliant post, thanks for this, its helped me today :-)