Friday, January 26, 2007

New life

I really do feel as if I've been born into a new life.

An example - I've had car problems, thought they were fixed and sent a cheque along to the mechanic. Last night the car died and I thought the brakes failed that evening as I came off the motorway and I coasted to a halt on the side of the road. Obviously the problems aren't fixed at all! I got the car going again but have to fill it up with water every 15 miles (or so it seems) even though I had a new radiator fitted on Monday. Normally that kind of experience would have me halfway down a bottle of Bacardi before I'd even got my coat off or fed the cat ... but I was just grateful that I didn't cause an accident, and that it's going back to the garage on Monday.

Another example - Earlier this week my new boss spotted an error in a calculation which impacted on the bonuses being paid to the team. It wasn't my error. I'm there as his PA, not as a finance person, but I went home feeling sick with nerves. The fact that things weren't my fault hasn't stopped previous employers giving me a bollocking. My normal response would be to get drunk, so that the hangover would detract from the dressing down I'd get the following day, but I didn't - didn't get drunk, that is, and didn't get a dressing down. I went into my boss's office, shut the door, and waited for the axe to fall, but it didn't. He knew the error wasn't mine, and he wasn't about to blame me for it. He actually didn't get angry with the person who had made the mistake, just explained where he'd gone wrong and made suggestions about how to avoid similar mistakes in the future, and then he and I set about putting the situation right. What a novel experience! Not to be blamed for something I hadn't done, not to drink out of fear and anxiety, not to come out of my boss's office in tears - something that happened all too often in my last job.

I'm almost afraid to be happy in case things go wrong and I know that's silly, so I'm just going to try and relax and enjoy being who I'm meant to be - someone who enjoys her job and is valued for it, someone who has good colleagues and good friends, someone who looks forward to chatting to God every night and someone who is grateful for being sober.

If this really is my new life, long may it last!

7 comments:

Mary Christine said...

"Things" haven't changed.... YOU have! God Bless You.

Carly said...

Right on! So amazing, how our whole perspective of life opens up and brightens!

Shadow said...

not feeling responsible for other's mistakes / feelings / reactions... great lesson to learn and actually BELIEVE!

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

It'll last, God's willing.

Designer Girl said...

You are changing. The change is real, and it WILL endure. Just trust in your HP, and in the new you who is emerging.

P.S. You sound AMAZING! :D

mAAry-AAnne said...

Fantastic! Changing my actions changes my beliefs (and the other way around too). Good for you for not drinking and letting things work out on there own. Its amazing to see the program at work in our lives.

Shannon said...

hey you! How are ya, havent seen ya around for a bit. thinking about you (((HUG)))