... begins with a single step.
I've flirted with giving up alcohol for a long time. I've been telling myself to try and cut down ... It's a bit like going out with someone you love, someone you are besotted with and lust after, and saying that you're only going to kiss. With the best will in the world, it ain't gonna happen.
Sometimes I can have just one. Yesterday I went out for a drink with a friend and I had just one. And then I came home and I had just one. And then just one more. I told myself that three was good - for me, it's half what I normally have ...
My work life is in complete disarray at the moment. I've been terrified that there was some plot at work to get me out (I told myself it was paranoia and that drinking to stop worrying about it wouldn't make it go away) but other people agreed that it seemed that way, and backed me up and were in my corner and encouraged me to talk it through with my boss ... the boss who has reduced me to tears for over a year and made me feel like a totally useless individual instead of a highly qualified and experienced woman with 25 years experience ...
So, fuelled by the support of 2 other managers I saw my boss ... and boy, did it feel good! I have him on the run. He can be severely and I mean severely disciplined for all the things he's said to me. I don't want to punish him, I just want all the unpleasantness and trauma at work for me to stop. And now he knows that I won't put up with it any longer. I feel stronger now. It might not last, but today I feel strong.
In fact, I feel so strong that I am going to give up alcohol from 1 October. Just like that. I'm not saying I'm giving it up forever. I'm giving it up for October. The whole of October. Even if I have dinner out with friends (I have 2 in the diary already) and even if my wine club has just delivered 12 bottles of wine and even if I have 5 bottles of rum in the garage.
Tomorrow is 30 September. I can't drink tomorrow because I have a long drive to a gig and a long drive back and I don't take risks behind the wheel. Hey, tonight is my last night drinking for at least 32 days! How do I feel? Scared? No ... actually, I feel relieved.
I'm not saying that I'm going to succeed and beat all my demons in one fell swoop. I'm saying that, for October, I AM NOT GOING TO DRINK ALCOHOL.
There. I've said it. I'm going to do it.