Friday, September 08, 2006


Freud would say that there is no such thing as an honest mistake and, I suppose, I have to agree, because while my conscious mind genuinely thought I had another 3 units to drink tonight to not go over my self-imposed limit, my subconscious must have been aware that I'd had my quota for the week by last night.

So going out for a drink at lunchtime with a good friend and 2 colleagues I hardly knew might not have been the best idea.

I had a drink - 2 units - which isn't huge in the grand scheme of things, but it took me over the limit I had set for myself (21 units) by 2! And, I know, I'm still WAY down the scale compared to what I drank last week, but I felt a failure, and thought, 'Oh well, if I've failed, this week is a write-off, I'll get a bottle of Bacardi and try again next week.'

No excuses (not even being joined in the pub by 2 male colleagues I don't really know, always scary): I didn't cross the finishing tape.

Think positive! I didn't stay under my limit BUT, on the up-side, I have drunk less than half this week than I did last week. Cutting down wasn't supposed to be easy - it was simply necessary. And I have cut down. And maybe next week I shall be able to stick to my limit of 21 units.

Off on a tangent here, but logical to me: NaNoWriMo starts on 1 November - National Novel Writing Month. As a novelist with over 20 books under her belt, bogged down by quality, wanting to let my creativity run free but always with an eye to public demand, I can appreciate the NaNo concept of quantity over quality - just getting it out of your system - and the idea that the only thing standing in the way of a wannabe novelist is a deadline. I'm applying that to the borderline alcoholic and the social drinker in me: a deadline. I'm giving myself until Christmas 2006. If I cannot bring my drinking under control by Christmas 2006, my gift to myself will be total abstinence.

There, the gauntlet has been thrown down.

Watch this space!


Mary Christine said...

This sounds like unmitigated torture. Do you know that normal drinkers never even THINK about controlling their drinking? There is no need. God Bless You.

Alcoholic Brain said...

I could never taper off. I tried to for 30 years. Good luck though!