Freud would say that there is no such thing as an honest mistake and, I suppose, I have to agree, because while my conscious mind genuinely thought I had another 3 units to drink tonight to not go over my self-imposed limit, my subconscious must have been aware that I'd had my quota for the week by last night.
So going out for a drink at lunchtime with a good friend and 2 colleagues I hardly knew might not have been the best idea.
I had a drink - 2 units - which isn't huge in the grand scheme of things, but it took me over the limit I had set for myself (21 units) by 2! And, I know, I'm still WAY down the scale compared to what I drank last week, but I felt a failure, and thought, 'Oh well, if I've failed, this week is a write-off, I'll get a bottle of Bacardi and try again next week.'
No excuses (not even being joined in the pub by 2 male colleagues I don't really know, always scary): I didn't cross the finishing tape.
Think positive! I didn't stay under my limit BUT, on the up-side, I have drunk less than half this week than I did last week. Cutting down wasn't supposed to be easy - it was simply necessary. And I have cut down. And maybe next week I shall be able to stick to my limit of 21 units.
Off on a tangent here, but logical to me: NaNoWriMo starts on 1 November - National Novel Writing Month. As a novelist with over 20 books under her belt, bogged down by quality, wanting to let my creativity run free but always with an eye to public demand, I can appreciate the NaNo concept of quantity over quality - just getting it out of your system - and the idea that the only thing standing in the way of a wannabe novelist is a deadline. I'm applying that to the borderline alcoholic and the social drinker in me: a deadline. I'm giving myself until Christmas 2006. If I cannot bring my drinking under control by Christmas 2006, my gift to myself will be total abstinence.
There, the gauntlet has been thrown down.
Watch this space!