Sunday, November 19, 2006

Early blog

It's early to be writing my blog, but I want to turn off the internet and go downstairs, make something to eat (I've been living on crisps and eccles cakes today) and settle down in front of the last of the Lord of the Rings trilogy on television. I lent my DVD copy to someone and haven't seen it (or her!) since, so I'm looking forward to seeing it again, even if it is going to be interrupted by adverts.

As I was 'telling' my millenium story on my blog last night I thought it might be good for me if I wrote down all my drink-induced horror stories - maybe on a separate blog, not here. Over the years I've honed them into highly-amusing after dinner stories, playing up the funny bits, and glossing over the parts where I threw up or fell over, or made phone calls that still make me cringe ... It's not as if I'm going to forget how awful it can be to be so drunk, but as I notch up another sober day it's a bit too easy to tell myself that I really wasn't that bad. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I was that bad - not every day, but increasingly. The trend was definitely upwards, I just got better at hiding it and explaining it away. At the moment it feels as if I've stopped myself in time, before I've hit rock bottom, but I can't afford to become complacent.

I just need to think of what horror stories to put in and which to leave out!


Mary Christine said...

I will look forward to reading about your life...Gosh, you could go to an AA meeting and tell them your stories. I am sure they would not only listen, but be able to tell you a few of their own. (I am still nagging)

Carly said...

I know what you mean. I used to think my drinking days were adventurous and amusing too. I need to be reminded constantly what it was really like (one of the countless bennies of AA) -- because the last couple years there was nothing adventurous, amusing or enjoyable in my drinking whatsoever. Reality is there's no going back to when it WAS fun -- this disease is progressive, cunning and ultimately deadly.

I enjoy reading your posts very much! You've got some great insights.