Another sober Friday night! That's 7 in a row ... and every day in between!
I'd like to say that I feel like a new woman - physically and emotionally. In fact, I feel very much like the 'old' one, only moreso. Now that there is no alcohol to numb me to certain things, I cannot help but face up to the fact that I don't always like myself, that I doubt my ability (even more because of these last 6 months of trying to find another job, only to be rejected every single time) and that I cannot see a good future for myself. Drinking helped me become deaf, dumb and blind, if only temporarily, to the things I didn't like about myself, and the things that scared me. I feel that I just don't 'fit' anywhere, and drinking used to help me fit. Now that I don't have the alcohol to smooth off the rough edges I need to learn new ways of fitting, or accepting that I don't fit.
Maybe it's because I'm so very tired that everything seems black at the moment, so I'll go to bed and hope that everything looks a little brighter in the morning. At least I can look forward to a hangover-free morning - that's something to be happy about!