Friday, December 29, 2006

Home again

I met an old lover at Christmas. I knew he would be there, waiting for me, and I knew I would run to his arms. I thought that he would embrace me the moment I arrived at my holiday destination and never let me go. He opened his arms to me, but I said no that first night. I had factored in the number of days I could love him, and still reach my 100 alcohol-free days before the end of the year, so I resisted. He didn't push me. We shared a kiss and a cuddle over the next few days, and I realised that, although I enjoyed his touch, I didn't crave it as I once did. I drank in his love, his warmth, the familiarity of his embrace, but I didn't let him overpower me and now, now that I am back in my own home, I am raising a final glass to him.

I love drink. I love drinking. I love the taste and the freedom.

I hate drink. I hate drinking. I hate the compulsion and the tyranny.

It was great to meet my old lover again and spend time with him, because I know now that he is no good for me. I can't live with him, and I can't live without him.

I know now that I want to live without him. He and I may have a one night stand from time to time, but I will never allow him to dominate me again.

I am grateful for having had this opportunity to sort out my feelings towards my lover, my drink, my bottle. I am grateful for the discovery that, although I love him, I love myself more, I love the person I can be without him, without my drink, without my bottle.

Step 1. I admit that I am powerless over alcohol.

8 comments:

Shannon said...

Giving you a big smile and hug!

Shannon said...

PS welcome back!!! and another smile and HUG!

GOOOOOD ol Rockytop... rockytop tennesseeeeee! said...

Great post!

Enjoy the light of the day!!

Mary Christine said...

step one is a really good place to be. I am not clear on whether you drank or not.???

Amerynthe said...

MC, I did drink, not to excess, not in the quantities I used to, and I will still get my 100 'dry' days in before the end of the year. I had mentally 'given myself permission' to have a few drinks at Christmas, but didn't drink every day over the holidays, and didn't really enjoy it at all! So, I'm looking forward to a sober 2007.

Shadow said...

wow! well done. and happy new year!

Scott W said...

Good luck!

rio said...

I have know that i have been drinking to much but to hear my doctor ask me this after some routine blood test shcoked me. i feel that i have damaged myself beyond repair. I lied and said no and walked out without asking why he thought that. i really need help cutting back or better still quitting but I like drink!!!!!!!