Today's the day I hand in my notice at work - 4pm, to be precise. I've scheduled my regular 1:1 meeting with my line manager for then and in a way I'm looking forward to it, and in another way I am sick with nerves. It's 85% down to him that I'm leaving: his appalling (mis)management of his team (me and 2 others), his lack of communication, his total disinterest in my career, and the fact that he blatantly lied about the job when I came for interview and has done nothing to address my concerns in the 20 months I've been here. I've been the first to defend him to others when things weren't his fault, but I'm not going to carry on letting him get away with all the shit he's been putting me through. I can't let some other poor person get interviewed for my job and end up being as unhappy, demotivated, disenchanted and stressed as I have become, so I'm also sending a letter to the Chief Exec and the MD to explain my reasons - because my line manager sure as hell will try and gloss things over.
I hate confrontation so this afternoon is going to be hard for me. Once upon a time, in a galaxy not very far from where I am right now, I'd have had a drink as soon as I got in from work to 'get over it' (or to celebrate having done it!) but I'm not going to tonight ...
Later that same day ...
I did it. I told my line manager I was leaving. I remained polite and calm. He knew some of my reasons but did not acknowledge his part in my decision. That doesn't matter, he will have to answer to someone other than me for that. I didn't back down on any of the points I made. I came out of his office and went back to mine, which I share with someone who has been, shall we say, difficult and unfriendly, and sometimes downright nasty to me, over the past 20 months. When I told her I was leaving she looked horrified, said, 'Oh no! You can't go!' and jumped up and hugged me and started to cry. Wow! I know a lot of that is because she's going to end up with a lot of my work while they look for someone else but she did seem genuinely sorry that I was going and I thought, all the time she was being difficult and unfriendly and downright nasty, I took it from her and was pleasant back to her, thinking that I was a mug for not answering back or making a fuss, but actually I was doing the right thing.
After that I went to see an ex-colleague who left in the summer. She had the same line manager as me and she couldn't work with him any longer, for the same reasons I couldn't, so she left. Funny, that.
Anyway, the deed is done, the glass of celebratory diet coke has been drunk, and this exhausted blogger is going to bed!
I hope you all sleep well tonight. I know I shall, for the first time in weeks!