Friday, December 29, 2006

Home again

I met an old lover at Christmas. I knew he would be there, waiting for me, and I knew I would run to his arms. I thought that he would embrace me the moment I arrived at my holiday destination and never let me go. He opened his arms to me, but I said no that first night. I had factored in the number of days I could love him, and still reach my 100 alcohol-free days before the end of the year, so I resisted. He didn't push me. We shared a kiss and a cuddle over the next few days, and I realised that, although I enjoyed his touch, I didn't crave it as I once did. I drank in his love, his warmth, the familiarity of his embrace, but I didn't let him overpower me and now, now that I am back in my own home, I am raising a final glass to him.

I love drink. I love drinking. I love the taste and the freedom.

I hate drink. I hate drinking. I hate the compulsion and the tyranny.

It was great to meet my old lover again and spend time with him, because I know now that he is no good for me. I can't live with him, and I can't live without him.

I know now that I want to live without him. He and I may have a one night stand from time to time, but I will never allow him to dominate me again.

I am grateful for having had this opportunity to sort out my feelings towards my lover, my drink, my bottle. I am grateful for the discovery that, although I love him, I love myself more, I love the person I can be without him, without my drink, without my bottle.

Step 1. I admit that I am powerless over alcohol.

8 comments:

Shannon said...

Giving you a big smile and hug!

Shannon said...

PS welcome back!!! and another smile and HUG!

A Tampa Realtor said...

Great post!

Enjoy the light of the day!!

Mary Christine said...

step one is a really good place to be. I am not clear on whether you drank or not.???

Dying for a Drink said...

MC, I did drink, not to excess, not in the quantities I used to, and I will still get my 100 'dry' days in before the end of the year. I had mentally 'given myself permission' to have a few drinks at Christmas, but didn't drink every day over the holidays, and didn't really enjoy it at all! So, I'm looking forward to a sober 2007.

Shadow said...

wow! well done. and happy new year!

Scott W said...

Good luck!

rio said...

I have know that i have been drinking to much but to hear my doctor ask me this after some routine blood test shcoked me. i feel that i have damaged myself beyond repair. I lied and said no and walked out without asking why he thought that. i really need help cutting back or better still quitting but I like drink!!!!!!!