Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I need help

Oh, I am so clever! I did 100 alcohol free days between 1 October 2006 and the end of 2006 (those 100 days had to include the few days I'd managed from 1 January until 30 September.)

Aren't I clever? Aren't I so well-controlled? Haven't I got this alcohol bastard beaten?


I never wanted or intended to give up alcohol forever, I just wanted to CONTROL it (oh, ha ha ha, you can all laugh at me now!)

So I had a few drinks at Christmas and New Year - just a few, nothing like I used to put away.

I had a few drinks at Easter - after the 40-day abstinence of Lent - and then a few to celebrate ... celebrate what? I don't know - by then I didn't care.

My old friends don't want to know me because I don't want to drink with them any more (I know to avoid old bad habitual friends and places) but my internal drinking buddy (ME!) is my best friend, and there is no escape from her/me.

I thought I was clever, I thought I had it conquered. How bloody stupid was I to think that?

I am so sorry that I haven't been there for you, responding to your blogs, your questions, your requests for support. I have no right to ask for your support now, but ... I am ready to say it:

My name is Linda. I am an alcoholic.


Mary Christine said...

God Bless You Linda. The first step in recovery is admitting we are powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanagable. It sounds like you might be there. I would strongly suggest you try attending AA meetings, it really really works - I think you know that from our blogs. We have really found a wonderful way of life - we aren't fighting alcohol - not trying to control anything. We have surrendered and have been given a new and wonderful life of freedom. Please give yourself a break and try it.

Heart said...

Hi Linda. I have been reading your blogs since your first posting. I have just now created a Google Acct so I could comment on your blog. I agree with Mary Christine when she said the first step was admitting you are powerless. See I have never been an alcoholic but both of my young sons are addicts. I read blogs of addicts on various addictions so that I may find some answers to questions I have. Please don't give up the fight to be sober. I know AA works and it can work for you. Looking forward to reading more on your recovery. Take it one day at a time...Heart

Anonymous said...

Hello all who share the same despair...I'm new at this and would appreciate any help you can offer. I was completly clean of alcohol for 10 years. Well, I started again a few years back, and I am officially an alcoholic again! I also smoke pot, and want more than anything to be free of them! I did the AA thing for awhile and it helped, but I'm not sure if it will work again. Blogs are a way of helping each other in the same here I am. Are they any Blogs that deal exclusively with this?

Thank you to all who contribute, but it's not just the AA recommedation I'm looking for. I'm looking for a blog site with people that share our problem, and are seeking a lifetime solution.



Shadow said...

hey linda! half the battle is won, i hope you know that.