I had a moment this afternoon, sipping my diet coke, when I thought how much nicer it would be with some bacardi in it. Only one, just one, and I'd savour it, and then put the cap on the bottle and get on with what I was doing. No-one would know. I wouldn't have to tell anyone.
But I realised that I would know. I'm doing this for me, and that's the difference this time. No-one would be disappointed in me, but I'd have been disappointed in myself, so I left the bottle where it was, stuck to the diet coke, and chalked up another successful day on the board in the kitchen.
Other than the wobble - and it was only for a moment while I had that little conversation in my head - I had a good day. No headache when I woke up, a trip to the shops, the chance to do a good turn for a close friend - and the good news that she's moving house and will be closer to me - and the mental clarity to work on my (writing) competition entry, and watching a movie late in the evening and being clear-headed enough to follow the plot.
Hang on, this is beginning to sound like a grateful list! And maybe it should, because I am grateful, grateful to have started to stop, grateful for all the blogs I read that inspire me, and grateful that I have enough of my life left ahead of me to enjoy.
And grateful that, for the 3rd Saturday in a row, I am going to bed without the world spinning...
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2 comments:
Woo-hoo!! You go, girl!
Those "wobbles" are common, (AAers like to say "It's the disease talking," and I think that's accurate). But, you got through it by remembering WHY and for WHOM you're doing this, and that's wonderful.
"...watching a movie late in the evening and being clear-headed enough to follow the plot."
YES! Isn't that great?!? It's these little glimmers that are the hugest (for me). Another one I get a thrill over is driving in the evening. Sometimes I want to roll down my windows and yell "I'M SOBER!" to other drivers. :)
Congrats to you on another day sober! DG is right, these wobbles (good word) are common. I have one or more almost every day. My sponsor w/19 years sobriety still has them occasionally. The difference now is that I know they pass -- and I don't have to act on them.
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